pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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