He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
