yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
