Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
