i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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