Where did you get a picture of my penis
Porn is love you can see.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
