What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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