his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
