When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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