My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
