I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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