I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
