left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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