dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
