College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
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