I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
