"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
