The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
