don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
