weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
