The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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