A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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