When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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