Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
