So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
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I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
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At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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