ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
