Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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