he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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