We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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