I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
