she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
