You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
