he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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