Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize