Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
