Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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