thus making me awesome and them whores
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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