I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
