And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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