Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
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