Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
