if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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