I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
