I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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