..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
soo... how was my night?
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