Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
