neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
