The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
