apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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