I just pynch a tree in the face
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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