I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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