the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
