i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
