Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
