I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
