it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
