And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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