you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
