she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
soo... how was my night?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
