i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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