I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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