I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
