I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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