you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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