When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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