I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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