You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
