I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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