3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Too much gin, very little bucket
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Randomize
