dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
