Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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