god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
