i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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