sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
