tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
