do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
