how can u be prego again
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
